In the Old testament God takes the time and space to reveal God does not work, nor think, nor move as we humans do. The tendency to place human attributes on God will lead you to see God as defensive, mercenary, quid pro quo. I am unfamiliar with this God.
God is love at its best, deepest, purest form. God is completely in love with you. Nothing (say “nothing” aloud three times) can nor does nor will separate us from God’s love. Nothing. Full stop. Nothing. It is very difficult for us humans, who seem bent on keeping score, taking an eye for eye, and being in control to open our hearts to this deep love.
Consider Peter, Jesus’ disciple, who three times in the darkest hours of Jesus’ life, betrays him. Tells a servant girl, “I never knew him!” Three times. And Peter is the person to whom Jesus says, “I will build my church.” Jesus meets Peter with love not shame, openness not condemnation, belonging not separation.
As you allow these words to seep into your heart, consider challenging your limited understanding of God. What aspect, feature, attribute of God aligns with love? God is not waiting to pull the rug out from under you. No, I am unfamiliar with this God. God is continually longing for you. I am very familiar with this God.